I take Zoloft. Have been since I was 15 or so. Mainly it’s for general anxiety disorder. But a happy side effect is its defense against my clinical depression. I missed my dose today. I switched from taking in the evening to taking in the morning and I left it at home today. Instead of turning around, I did what any good worker bee would do and go back at lunch to grab it. I left work today at 8:30 not because I had to work but because I was eating (Pizza Hut Pasta) and watching Anime (Naruto). I left in the worst mood I’ve been in in a while for no reason. Got me thinking… It’s time to ween myself off of Zoloft. I know it won’t be easy and I won’t be able to do it alone but antidepressants are a band-aid. It’s time to get to the root of the problem. I’m going to go see a psychiatrist again and work my way off of all meds.
Yes, I am aware that this has nothing to do with my title, but I wanted to get that out in the open so I have a goal to shoot for.
Now, the way I got over the bad mood was to think about what I want moving forward. I came to a conclusion. I want a companion that I can call my equal. Maybe not get married, but I’m growing rather tired of idiot women who I have no interest in other than to fuck multiple times.
Let me give you a little background on this… Obviously, I’m divorced. I’m also not bad looking. My brother and I look nothing alike but I would say we are both on the same number 1-10 and he pulls model type chicks. Now granted I could probably do the same if I put the work in, but I tend to go for the easy ones who don’t take a lot of work. I also don’t have a lot of activities that would put me in front of said women. So I date online. Bigger, more desperate, easier to manipulate. That’s the general rule for online dating. I grow bored of such games. I want a challenge…
Another factor going into this is I don’t have a ton of male friends. Mostly because most of the male friends I made growing up were chased away by my controlling ex. I was too laid back to do much about it (read: pussy-whipped), but those times are over. I work a lot. Most of my friends now are people I currently or once worked with. Yeah that’s normal on some levels, but again I usually go home and relax after work.
Those times are over. I have joined meetup.com and entered some clubs that have the same interests as me. I’m also a big poker player now which means I’ll meet almost exclusively male friends. Hell, I’ve already joined a poker club and been in a tourney with them.
A few more notes before I get into the list. I promised myself when I was growing up that I would have a million dollars in the bank by the time I was thirty. Of course, I didn’t anticipate being divorced at 29, but I’ve extended this goal to 35 to give me some time to work on my own business. I don’t like my roommate. I’ve never had a roommate that didn’t turn out to be a bother. I’ve made another goal to be living on my own by the time I’m 30. That gives me a year to save and fix my credit to the point where I can live on my own. Poker hopefully will help in this regard but I won’t push my luck on that. I am willing to move states to make this happen. It will help to save since I plan on living in Japan for 2 years sometime in my life.
I am also tired of being out of shape so yet another goal is (taken cue from the NFL commercials) to do 60 minutes of physical exercise per day. I used to play basketball 8 days a week and I was in great shape. It’s time to get back out there. I just have to shake this pesky winter illness. Oh and before I forget, I also may have to find a new job soon. We aren’t profitable on my side of the business. Time to start searching.
Now to recap the Goals:
– Get off medication
– Find a Long Term Companion
– Million Dollars by 35
– Living alone by 30
– 60 minutes of working out per day
– Maybe New job (if current one goes away)
These aren’t like New Year’s Resolutions. These are things I have in my heart that will come true. I’m just listing them out so I can check them off as they come true.
Ok to the list:
– Looks good in a swimsuit and naked
– Submissive but with an edge
– Obsessed with sex
– Likes games (video/board/cards)
– Likes sports (at least baseball)
– Can be alone without getting needy
– Kids (I don’t want to compete with anyone for their attention)
– Living at home (if their parents can hear the bed creaking then there is a problem)
– No car (get a job please)
I don’t think I’m asking for much. The submissive might be a little hard to come by, but I’m old-fashioned and my florida friend taught me being dominate is quite fun. I like having someone who will do anything for me. I also don’t want someone who will roll over on everything. I like a little sass sometimes.